My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
And then he peed in my hair
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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