This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
