Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
