true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
