What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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