She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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