Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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