i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
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