i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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