i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
