she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
