it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
