Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
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What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
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Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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