i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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