youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I have aggressive nipples.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
