question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
