Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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