you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
