he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
