I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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