At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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