My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
