totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
