I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
