sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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