Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
