Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
