it was like his penis was on wheels.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
