you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
