last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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