yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
