Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
