Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
ttyl tear gas
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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