all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
