hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
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i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
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We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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