why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
