Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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