I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
