He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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