I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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