His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
