Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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