I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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