there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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