i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
