I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
