Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
