I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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