Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
