hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize