I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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