I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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