Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
