No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
