saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
