literally had 100 drinks last night.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
