Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
They are going to name an STD after you.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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