So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
