u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
