i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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