Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
