he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
then he tried to convert me to islam
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
