It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
