yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
