he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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